A Good Deal
by Thatoneloserkid
Summary: If the world was about to end what would you do?" Nico asked after a long silence. "The light questioned tonight, then?" Karolina teased. Nico shrugged. "Light questions never got anyone anywhere." "I don't know," Karolina shrugged. "I would- I guess I would kiss the person I want to kiss."


Karolina hadn't really thought anything of it, she just kind of figured this was how best friends were with each other.

It was always different with Nico, there was just something about Nico that made Karolina, even young Karolina, giddy. She would be disappointed when Nico didn't show to any of the events, she chalked that up to feeling like a fifth wheel, in the beginning Gert and Molly would stick together and Chase and Alex would, but in their teenage years that shifted a little, to Gert and Chase, and Alex and Molly hovering in the middle.

Karolina just enjoyed having Nico as company.

As a kid she thought that was just how best friends felt, as a teenager she knew something was off but she pushed that aside, ignoring not only her feelings toward Nico but her lack of feelings toward Chase (or any boy).

She focused on church, and her studies and, thankfully, people put her lack of boyfriends down to her being the 'perfect church girl'.

It was easy to ignore it all at first, she found it relatively easy to share a bed with Nico, to stop herself from staring too much, it was easy.

Until her hormones started to kick in, until _Nico's_ hormones kicked in.

One minute Nico was her pretty best friend and the next she was the sexy woman Karolina fawned over daily.

She started wearing makeup, which she didn't need but there was something about it that made Karolina constantly sneak glanced at Nico. Then she joined the gym and her body began to transform into a well toned, stupidly sexy body that had Karolina a little flustered whenever they got dressed together.

It was then Karolina started to hate herself.

She felt almost predator around Nico, like she was taking advantage of the girl who wasn't even aware of all the fact, who wasn't aware that her best friend liked girls.

So, when she was fifteen, she dated Chase, much to her mothers delight.

Kissing Chase was... fine. His face was a little scratchy and his hands a little too big and rough but he was nice, and patient, and Karolina was glad that if she had to date a boy she was lucky enough that it was Chase.

Nico and Alex started dating two weeks after Karolina and Chase did, and the searing pain in Karolina's chest when she walked in in Nico straddling Alex wasn't something she could easily ignore.

Karolina started withdrawing, not just from Nico but the rest of the group, too. Chase called her out for it after a month and a half and Karolina was just feeling so exhausted and weighed down that she sat down with him and just blurted it all out.

She expected Chase to be angry, she had been lying to him for so long, but then he put his hand on Karolina's arm and smiled that soft smile, immediately stopping the sobs that were escaping Karolina's lips.

"It's okay,"

"It's- I lied to you, Chase."

"I know. But it can't be easy, having that part of yourself that you have to hide, it's such a large part, too." She collapsed against Chase then, sobbing against his chest because it just felt so good to get it off her chest. Chase pressed a kiss to her head. "I'm proud of you, for telling me, for accepting this. And if you need me to be your beard I'm down for that."

Karolina laughed at that, straightening herself. "You don't have anyone you want to date?"

"No one who would look twice at me." Chase looked solemn for a second, but before Karolina could ask he was smiling again. "Dance squad, who do you think is the hottest?"

Karolina huffed our a laugh, rolling her eyes at the boy.

It was that night that everything changed between them.

Karolina was feeling a little less weighed down than usual, having chipped away a little after telling Chase.

She answered Nico's call with a happy hello, but her smile quickly faded when Nico sobbed down the phone, Karolina couldn't understand a word she was saying so she told Nico to sit tight and that she would be right over.

The body was just being wheeled out when she arrived, and Karolina stared at it before counting the members of the Minoru family, her heart breaking a little when she realised.

She had an arm full of Nico a few seconds later, the girl wrapping her arms around Karolina's waist as she sobbed against her chest. Karolina tried not to think about how Nico had called her and not Alex, now wasn't the time for that.

Everything changed after that.

Alex didn't show at the funeral, Alex and Nico broke up. Chase got in with the jocks, Karolina struggled with her sexuality in a highly religious setting and Gert had some sort of grudge against Karolina for some reason.

So Karolina called her out on it. It was then Gert blurted out about her feelings for Chase.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"You didn't know? Everyone knew."

"I was too busy dealing with my own stuff to be aware of yours, Gert." Karolina hissed.

Gert seemed to soften, if only minutely. "What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry," Karolina could feel herself beginning to panic, that horrible feeling that had made home in her chest over the past few years intensifying to the point she felt like she couldn't breath. "I should have told you, you stayed over at my place, we shared a bed. God, you got dressed in front of me. I'm so sorry, Gert."

"Wow, slow down," Gert was frowning now, obviously a little baffled by Karolina's outbursts. "What are you talking about?"

"I, uh," Karolina struggled to catch her breath, moving her hands up and down in a panicked state.

"Karolina, you're having a panic attack." Gert tentatively touched Karolina's arm. "Whatever it is, it's okay."

"I'm gay," Karolina blurted our breathlessly.

Karolina wasn't really sure what she expected what it definitely wasn't for Gert to laugh.

Karolina was so baffled that whatever spiral of panic she was heading down stopped abruptly. "What- why are you laughing?"

"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you." Gert assured. "Well, I am. But at the fact you would think that this is an issue."

"It isn't?" Karolina frowned, sitting down on the bench with a huff. "I mean, Chase said the same thing but I thought that was just because he's a guy, I thought it was more of an issue for girls."

"Karolina, you weren't, like, a predator or anything. It wasn't like you stared at us when we got dressed or were inappropriate when we shared a bed." Gert assured, sitting down beside Karolina. "You have never made me feel uncomfortable, knowing this doesn't make me uncomfortable."

The group eventually broke apart, each of them going on with their own, and in Karolina's case lonely, lives.

Chase became nasty, Gert became overly obnoxious to keep people away, Alex avoided any public setting that he might run into them, Nico began wearing dark makeup and clothes, and Molly- well, Molly still made the effort to check in with everyone every once and a while, which was nice.

Karolina's feelings for Nico never faltered, not even with the sly hook ups with some of the less cooperative runaways the church took in. Karolina still stared, in class, across the courtyard, she was so sure this girl was it for her, and that was a scary thought at seventeen.

Karolina missed her (she missed them all, but she craved Nico).

It had been almost two years when Karolina's world was completely turned upside down.

It somehow got out that she liked girls, and that shit spread across school before the end of first period and, god, Karolina just wanted to die.

She hid herself away, perching herself on the edge of the stage in the auditorium, knowing no one would disturb her there.

She was there for an hour when she heard foot steps.

She didn't know who to expect. A teacher? Chase? Gert? Even Molly. But she didn't expect Nico to sit down beside her.

Nico had been the most distant, the most withdrawn since her sisters death, which was entirely justifiable, but Karolina truly thought Nico was done with all of them.

Nico didn't say anything, she just swung her legs and stared at the row of seats in front of them.

Karolina had to break the silence. "It's true."

"Okay," Nico hummed and, God, had Karolina missed her.

That was it, that was the extent of the interaction, both of them leaving for their class after lunch.

Her mother just pretended it never happened, telling Karolina that it was something she would get over. Karolina knew that wasn't true.

Nico [21:37]: all good?

Karolina stared at the texted for way too long, debating how to reply; truthfully or should she lie?

Karolina [21:48]: Yeah.

Nico[21:49]: Truth?

Karolina [21:52]: no

[21:53]: She said i will get over it

Nico [21:55]: you know who you are, Karo, dont let someone else tell you different

Karolina [21:57]: you aren't mad that I kept it from you?

Nico[21:59]: it is what you had to do to cope.

[22:00]: I'm here for you

[22:01]: If you want to do coffee and talk I'm down

Karolina [22:07]: thank you

Nico [22:07]: :)

Karolina set her phone on the bed beside her and let her head fall into her hands.

She didn't sleep much that night, tossing and turning until around five when she finally fell asleep, only to wake up at half six with her alarm for school.

Everyone was still whispering, still staring at her and giggling so she hid herself away again, this time in the library.

She was there for half an hour, sitting with her back against one of the stacks of books, when someone sat down across from her.

Karolina glanced up, doing a double take when her eyes landed on a red headed girl.

"Hey," the girl greeted, offering her an unsure smile.

"Hi,"

"Sorry, we don't know each other, but you were hiding away and-" the girl shrugged.

"Yeah, well, I've just been kicked out of the closet, everyone is whispering behind my back, I needed a break."

"That really sucks," the girl sighed. "I'm sorry this happened."

Karolina sighed, "I suppose it's good that it's out, finally."

"It still isn't fair."

"No," Karolina let her head fall back against the the book stack. "No it isn't."

"I'm Julie. Julie Power."

"Karolina Dean." Karolina smiled softly at the girl, who smiled back, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and ducking her head, looking almost bashful, which caught Karolina's attention.

"I get that it's easier to hide in here but there is ice cream in the lunch hall today." Julie offered Karolina a hopeful smile. "What do you say? It might be easier having someone in your corner."

"Why?" Karolina questioned. "I'm the school... _dyke_ , why would you want to be seen with me?"

"I suppose people like us need to stick together."

That's when it dawned on Karolina what was happening. "Oh, so you are-"

"I am,"

"Do people know?"

"I'm not hiding it, but I haven't been shoved out of the closet like you were."

"If you're seen with me people will assume-"

"Like is said," Julie smiled. "I'm not hiding it."

"Okay, sure."

As Karolina had expected, everyone still stared at her, some giggled, but then Julie nudged her shoulder and gave her a comforting little smile, and she didn't feel so alone anymore.

They started hanging out after that, at Julie's place because god forbid she brought a girl home to her mother.

Karolina thought that maybe they could date, Julie seemed interested, but when Karolina kissed her, a week into their friendship, Julie had kissed her back briefly, before pulling back, resting her forehead against Karolina's and laughed, shaking her head a little.

"This isn't what you want," Julie whispered.

"What?"

"Come on, Karolina, you're into someone else." Julie laughed. "And, sure, you're cute, and I had a little bit of a crush on you, but that's gone, we're friends."

Karolina sighed out a breath.

Julie was the first person Karolina ever told about her feelings for Nico.

"Since you were kids?" Julie asked quietly over the table in Timely they had been sat at for the past hour.

"I think so, back then I didn't really know but looking back, I think yeah." Karolina admitted.

"That's rough,"

"Yeah," Karolina murmured. "And I just can't shake it, you know? I done research, I know a lot of gay people mistake basic friendliness for flirting or something more, but there were times, you know? Times I really thought maybe she felt something for me."

"You need to make a tough choice here. You have to decide if you want to keep harbouring these feelings or get over them."

"I've tried, I don't know how."

"It's not easy, it takes time."

"I've had time, five years worth of it." Karolina sighed. "What if she feels the same?"

"You could risk it," Julie shrugged. "What do you really have to lose? You guys aren't friends anyway."

"I think we could be, eventually. Hopefully." Karolina said meekly.

"This is a choice only you can make, Karolina." Julie said. "But whatever you chose you have to stand by it."

"I'm scared,"

"You should be," Julie laughed. "It is damn terrifying admitted how you feel."

"You are so supportive," Karolina grumbled.

"Hey, I bought you coffee and listened while you rambled on about the girl you like."

"You like someone?"

Karolina startled the voice, her head whipping around to see Nico standing there, a coffee in hand and an unsure smile on her lips.

"Nico, hey."

"Nico?" Julie asked and Karolina nodded, giving her a warning look.

"Yeah. You're Julie, right? You're on the hockey team." Nico pointed at Julie with perfectly painted black nails.

"I am, yeah."

Nico nodded, turning her attention back to Karolina. "I just saw you over here, I thought I was say hey."

"You did?" Karolina frowned, because they weren't friends, they had passed by each other a few times and not even acknowledged one and other. Karolina wasn't sure what had changed.

"Yeah, you never got back to me about coffee."

"I just- I figured you were just being polite, we haven't been friends for a while." Karolina said unsurely.

Nico nodded, her eyes dropping to her feet before she looked Karolina, smiling a tight lipped smile. "Bye, Karolina."

Karolina stared at Nico as she left, turning back to Julie who was looking at her incredulously. "I fucked that up, right?"

"Right," Julie huffed. "Take her up on her coffee date."

"Dude, no."

"Why not? Take a chance, Karolina."

There was no way Karolina was going to do that.

It was a long month of snide comments and horrible name calling and it was just getting too much for her, that anger she felt for being outted was bubbling in her chest to the point she thought she might explode.

So she hid away, heading up to the roof of the school and perching herself on the edge.

It was Molly who found her this time.

"The fall probably wouldn't kill you, just break a few bones." Molly commented, hopping up beside her with ease.

Karolina smiled, despite her anger, turning to look at Molly. "How are you, Molly?"

"Okay, I started my period the other day."

Karolina laughed at the openness. "Tough break."

"Hurts a lot." Molly agreed, staring at her feet as they swung. "Do you love her?"

"Who?"

"Nico," Molly clarified, smiling at Karolina's shocked look. "I mean, it has always been her, right? You and Alex always looked at her the same way."

"I didn't think it was that obvious," Karolina laughed.

"No one else has noticed, I don't think." Molly assured. "So, do you?"

"Yeah," Karolina huffed our a quiet laugh, looking down at her hands as she wrung them together.

"That must be hard." Molly sighed. "I'm sorry all of this happened, that it's Nico you want. If you even need to take your mind off of it we can see a movie or something. Your treat 'cause I don't have money."

That made Karolina laugh, a proper laugh for the first time in a long while. "Just tell me the time and place."

Molly grinned. "I need to get to class, I was on the way to the bathroom when I saw you come up here."

"Get going, before your sister kills me."

"Please don't jump," Molly called as she rushed off.

Karolina was alone for ten more minutes before the large door slammed closed again.

"And here was me thinking you didn't break rules."

Karolina found herself smiling at Nico's voice. "I'm a true rebel without a cause these days."

"I'm sure you could rock the James Dean look, everyone loves a bad girl." Nico teased, resting her forearms against the wall. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah,"

"Truth,"

Karolina sighed, the anger stewing in her chest.

"I'm so angry." Karolina murmured, her hands balling and unballing over and over. "It's always being 'ladies don't get angry, Karolina'. 'Ladies hold it in, Karolina'. Between my mother, the church and the religion I have had no control in my life. This was my one thing. Choosing when I came out was _my_ _thing_ , and someone took it away from me!" Karolina snapped. "They had no right to do that!"

"You're right," Nico agreed. "Someone took that away from you, and this is something that probably won't make you feel any better but you have a life time of coming out to people."

"You're right," Karolina hummed, flashing Nico a little grin. "That didn't make me feel better."

Nico laughed softly, leaning back against the wall. "It's okay to be angry, you now? And holding it in, it makes you rotten."

Karolina glanced at Nico, taking in the hard look on the girls face. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Everything, after Amy, we all just fell apart. I should have tried harder." Karolina stared down at her feet.

"We all had our own stuff going on," Nico shrugged, "You tried, I pushed you away because I was angry."

"You were grieving,"

"We all were, she was friends with all you guys."

"She was your sister, we should have stuck by you."

Nico shrugged, unsure of what to say to that. "It is done now."

"I just miss you guys, you know? I miss Gert going off on her rants, Chase being obnoxious, Alex being a known it all, Molly totally clueless but not being mad at it. I miss you, Nico, I miss the sleep overs and the adventures, climbing trees and getting lost in the forest out back of my house. I miss just being around you, there was something comforting about just having you around."

"We aren't kids anymore, we wouldn't be doing those things now."

"Maybe not," Karolina hummed, "But it would have been replaced with something different."

"Can we talk with your feet planted on the ground?"

Karolina conceded, like she always did with Nico, turning on the spot and hopping down off the ledge. Nico's hand landed on her shoulder, as if to steady her.

"Thank you,"

"You think- would you be against getting the group together again?"

Nico laughed at that. "There's no way, we are all different people now, Karo."

"Yeah, we are, but we all fit so well as kids, we maybe have changed but that doesn't mean we don't fit."

"It's not something they want."

"Do you?" Karolina asked, her eyes dropping briefly to her feet before looking up at Nico through her eyelashes. "Do you want to hangout?"

"With you or the group?"

"Would the answer be different?" Karolina questioned unsurely.

"Yes,"

"Okay," Karolina hummed. "The group?"

"No," Nico answered easily and it took Karolina embarrassingly long to put the pieces together.

"That would be a yes to me?"

Nico laughed softly. "You have my number, Karolina. Maybe use it this time."

"Okay," Karolina agreed, then she was alone again, giving her too much time to over think that encounter.

Karolina did use Nico's number, mid panic attack, after running out of her house.

"Hey," Nico greeted softly.

"Nico," Karolina knew how breathless she sounded, and so did Nico.

"Where are you?" Nico's questioned immediately and Karolina looked around for a street name, rhyming it off to Nico when she found it. "Okay, Karo, stay put. I will be there in ten minutes, in the meantime try and breathe, okay? I know it's hard but try for me."

Karolina did, sitting on the curb and trying to catch her breath. She startled when a hand touched her shoulder.

"Hey, it's okay. It's me," Nico whispered. Nico was always the one who helped her with the panic attacks she would have at the beginning of high school, so she knew she would know what to do. "Lose or tight?" She questioned softly. "Tight?"

Karolina nodded rigidly and Nico wrapped her arms tight around her, holding her against her chest.

"You know the drill, Karolina." Nico whispered against her temple. "Copy my breathing."

Karolina did, and she felt herself relax quickly.

"What happened?" Nico whispered when Karolina's breathing relaxed a little.

"My mom, she-" Karolina swallowed thickly. "She's trying to set me up, with guys. I dunno, I guess I just panicked and took off."

Nico nodded solemnly. "Do you have to go back?"

"No,"

"Then get in the car,"

Karolina obeyed without any argument, getting the the passenger side.

The ride was quiet, Karolina feeling drained as she leant her head against the cool glass.

They pulled up onto the beach, both girls climbing out and settling on the hood of the car.

"Did I wake you?" Karolina asked quietly, her arms wrapped around herself, making her look small. Broken.

"No," Nico answered. "I was in bed but not asleep."

"Good," Karolina whispered.

"If the world was about to end what would you do?" Nico asked after a long silence.

"The light questioned tonight, then?" Karolina teased.

Nico shrugged. "Light questions never got anyone anywhere."

"I don't know," Karolina shrugged. "I would- I guess I would kiss the person I want to kiss."

"Ah, the girl you like." Nico nodded, her eyes on the reflection of the moon on the water. "Tell me about her."

"God, Nico, she's-" Karolina shook her head, a big, goofy smile stretching across her lips but she didn't look at Nico. "She's incredible. She has been through so much and I want to just wrap her up and protect her from everything but I know she doesn't need that because she is the strongest person I know. She's so clever, and the prettiest girl over ever met for sure."

When Karolina finally looked at Nico she had a wistful smile on her lips. "You really like her, huh?"

"For years."

"Why haven't you said anything to her?"

"She's so out of my league." Karolina said with a little laugh.

Nico laughed. "How can anyone be out of your league?"

"She is." Karolina hummed. "She's perfect. For me, I mean, she is in no way a perfect person. But she owns her mistakes, she takes responsibility and she learns from them."

"What makes you think she's perfect for you?"

"With her, I'm a better me, you know what I mean?"

"I do," Nico hummed.

"She challenges me, she forced me to become a better version of who I am, and I think that's what love is."

Something in Nico's face grumbled at the mention of love, and Karolina wondered if she over stepped.

"Would you kiss her, if she were here right now?" Nico asked in a quiet voice.

"No,"

"Why?" Nico breathed.

"Because I'm afraid." Karolina admitted.

"Being afraid doesn't mean you shouldn't do soemthing." Nico said. "It just means that it means a lot to you."

"I suppose."

"You should text her right now and ask her to hang out."

"I don't think-"

"What do you have to lose?"

"So much," Karolina sighed.

"But you could gain so much,"

"Fine," Karolina grumbled. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

Karolina quickly tapped on her phone screen, making sure to keep it out of sight from Nico.

She read over the message a few times ('mini golf tomorrow afternoon?') before hitting send.

Nico frowned when her phone buzzed, digging it out of her pocket. "You sent that to me,"

Karolina just managed to resist the urge to roll her eyes. "I know, Nico."

Nico frowned, but her eyebrows slowly raised in realisation. "Oh,"

"I told you it was a bad idea." Karolina sighed, sliding of the car and making for the passenger side.

"Karo," Nico hopped off, too, grabbing Karolina's arm and pulling her around.

Then Karolina was being kissed, Nico's hands on her cheeks and her own hands hanging uselessly in the air before she settled into the kiss, her hands finding Nico's hips.

"Yes," Nico whispered against her lips.

"Hm?" Karolina managed to force out, still a little dazed from the kiss.

"Yes to mini golf,"

"Oh," Karolina nodded. "Cool, cool. Cool, that-"

"Cool?" Nico supplied.

Karolina smiled softly at her. "Can I kiss you again?"

"As much as you want."

Karolina liked that deal.


End file.
